i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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