So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
