Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
