Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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