hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
