My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Randomize
