worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
