and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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