i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
