afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
