Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
