Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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