please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
