I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
