i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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