I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
