She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
