Having a random hookup so left but love u
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
