I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
