Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
