His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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