You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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