out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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