We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
