After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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