it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
