your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We just shotgunned beers for America
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
