I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
