I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
