wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
