In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
