You're my little dorito
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's official drugs can't kill me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
