At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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