You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
