JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
