I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
