I've blown a few things in my day
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
