The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
