She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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