Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
