Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
