6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
