I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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