the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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