Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
