census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
