Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
