im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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