One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
