Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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