Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's blow job season.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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