So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
