D3 body, D1 cock
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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