I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
